Another 30,000-Foot Post

An apology for the lapse in posts the past couple of weeks.  Much going on.

I am in the air...alone this time.  I am on my way to Winnipeg this morning.  I will meet my sister Erika and we will travel to Portage La Prairie, the place of my birth, to say goodbye to my mother’s sister.

On November 28^th we received word that my Aunt Gillian was diagnosed with cancer…late stage cancer.  Tumors were present in her liver, both ovaries and both in and out of her colon.  Efforts to address an obstruction in her bowel failed and a second surgery was too much for her to manage.  She died 13 days after diagnosis.  Monday the 19^th we will gather to remember, to celebrate and to say goodbye.

I have to say that this has been a difficult few weeks.  Gillian’s diagnosis and death has stirred many memories and feelings.  It has been almost 20s since my mother died, but in these past weeks, it has felt new and raw once again.  My mother was one of three girls.  My grandmother (94) lost my grandfather when my mother and her two younger sisters were little ones, raising them on her own.  My grandmother and Aunt Jocelyn remain.  Aunt Gillian has two children, Scott and Brianne.  Scott is married and he and his wife Laura welcomed Gillian’s first grandbaby only days after her passing.

I will be singing for my Aunt as I have done for all of those I have lost over the years.  There is a joy in being able to do this.  I am thankful that I have Randy Lindbloom genes and am able to share this with family and friends.

Aunt Gillian, Jayme, Aunt Jocelyn, Erika and Kir

On the Ginny front, we had a MARVELOUS weekend in Minneapolis.  We attended Fun Home (touring Broadway musical).  I loved it!  Gal Pal Jocelyn (yep there are two Jocelyns in my world.  Aunt Jocelyn and Pal Jocelyn) joined us for the evening – a gift.  We ate wonderful meals and spent time working on Ginny’s latest writing project.  Gal Pal Joce is co-authoring and her husband Byron, the artist, is illustrating.  I get to publish.  There is much joy in this project.  Saturday morning Pal Joce and I slipped out for some shopping – great fun.

This morning I dropped sweet Gin off at the shuttle and we parted ways.  She has been managing well, although her pain continues to increase and there have been several pump adjustments made in the past weeks.

Ginny describes her pain as pressure that grows from pressure to pain and then to agony.  Most days she can find relief with meds and standing or stretching out.  If asked, she says that she feels like she is sitting on a honey crisp apple (not sure why she selected honey crisp).  Gin believes that the apple is indeed growing as the pressure has increased and more meds are required to keep her comfortable.  She is not scheduled for a scan until January 24^th.  I will be inquiring on her behalf on Monday about moving the date up as symptoms are changing.

I return Tuesday evening with two school days left before Christmas break.  I am so looking forward to waking up Thursday morning, knowing that at the end of that day, there will be rest.

We will be home for the holidays.  Gin’s brother Dan and our dear friend Sue Blough will spend the season with us.  We are looking forward to their arrivals later this week. 

With all that is happening there is still a sweetness in this season for the Lindbloom-Larsens.  We are living each moment as we enter it.  We are focused on family and friends and we are loving each other with intention and tenderness.

Time feels short and in some moments that is overwhelming.  It is then that gratitude takes over, gratitude for love, for life, for the time we have had and for the days ahead.

Enjoy the season, love with intention and tenderness…

Gratefully

Kir

My iPod is spinning favorite carols this morning.  This one makes me weepy. Always been my favorite.  Oh Come All Ye Faithful 

Mayo Visit Update

We made our way to Rochester on Tuesday for two medical appointments.  The first with Palliative Care and the second with Oncology. Both of these were check-in appointments.  There were no tests/scans.

In our Palliative Care team visit we talked about pain management, quality of life challenges and end of life wishes.  Gin continues to struggle with her "evacuation systems" and the challenges faced in these past days have been met and conquered.  She is good humored, thank God.  I don't know that I would cope as graciously as she does. The discussion about end of life wishes made for hard conversation, but we are all in agreement and decisions have been documented.

The visit with Oncology folks went well.  Ginny believes the tumor is growing because the pressure she feels has increased but we need to wait another month before taking another scan.  We expect the scan will be set for mid-January.  The pain pump masks her pain but she still feels the pressure. STINK!

She is asking that I convey to you all that despite it all she is CHEERFUL :) and enjoying life.  I continue to be amazed.

Love fiercely peeps. Take nothing for granted.  Hold your kin close.

Love
Kir & Gin

A Thankful Kir

 Grateful…

We are 35,000 feet in the air on our way to Baltimore to spend Thanksgiving with the east coast Larsen clan.  Our flight was delayed hours and sweet gin is exhausted.  She fell asleep before take off and has not stirred.  Thank God for the pain pump.

There are so many things that I am thankful for and as I look at Gin sleeping soundly I am genuinely grateful for my life with her.

Ginny and I have been together for almost 10 years.  We met "officially" after a mutual friend suggested I reach out to her. I was looking for a confidant and some guidance.  She was happy to oblige. We became fast friends.  She became a wonderful support and I so enjoyed her company. Although neither one of us saw it coming, love happened. 

These past 10 years have been the greatest of my life.  The challenges faced and the victories won, the adventures sought and realized, the joy of love – for each other and those we love and living/loving each other in health and in sickness, all mark this incredible journey.

As we move forward in this next season of uncertainly, I am so honored to be hers, to wake at her side and to walk through these days, cherishing every moment together.  Our decision to not take anything for granted in these days is something I wish we ALL could do ALL of the time.  There is a sweetness and a joy in walking so intentionally. 

As the weather has changed I have moved my morning coffee from our patio to our bed.  That 30-minutes of time at the beginning of each day has become my favorite time of day.  There is a tenderness to morning coffee pillow talk.  There is security and comfort in that bed full of the Lindbloom-Larsen gals and pups, making for gentle and real conversations about living and dying, wishes and regrets, the future and the past.

Ginny has given me the world, figuratively and literally.  She has challenged me to be a better me, to be a better teacher, a better friend, a better sister and a better wife.  All of which she takes pride in and rightly so. 

So this Thanksgiving I am thankful for my wife…my creative, linguistically brilliant, animal loving, tender-hearted, justice-minded, story-telling, ass-kicking, quirky, hilarious Ginny. 

Grateful…

Kir

Tis the Season

It is Friday night and winter seems to have arrived.  We are settled in for the night and I decided not to wait until morning to fill you all in.

Tuesday afternoon I picked Ginny up from the hospital and brought her home.  The antibiotics have worked beautifully now that the systems are flowing.  She has her appetite back and seems to have more energy.  I am so grateful.

It seems her symptoms are being managed.  We return to Mayo November 29th for a day of appointments with Ginny's various care teams.  We will have an update after these appointments.

In the meantime, the yard is ready for winter.  Christmas decorations and lights are up.  We have increased our outdoor Christmas presence in the neighborhood this year.  It feels good to be ahead of the weather.

Wednesday next week we will fly to Baltimore to spend a few days with our east coast family (Ginny's side).  I LOVE this tradition...great people and fantastic food.  I am looking forward to the oyster shucking and slurping off the half shell - YUM!

We are so very thankful for you - our friends and family.  We are entering this season with hope, joy and a sense of peace.

Love
Kir & Gin

All Backed Up

Well that's what I get for declaring that we would have a routine procedure and have nothing to report until the weekend.

Ginny went in for her ureter stent replacement today.  No big deal, this is her 9th placement.  It turns out that her stent was all backed up...clogged.  The Dr. suspects that she her right kidney has not passed fluid for 2-3 weeks.  She has been treating a UTI this past week without success, the reason is now clear.

So the old barnacle covered stent is out and a new one is in.  System fluids are flowing as they should and her kidney is likely signing the Hallelujah Chorus.

She is in the hospital for the night for observation.  We are hoping for a good night's sleep and a release around noon tomorrow.

Love
Kir&Gin

Chemo, Loose Ends and Hillary - What a Week!

We had quite a week.  Ginny has had a better week with pain control.  The pump adjustment made last Friday seems to be a great balance.  From a chemo perspective there have been some side-effects this week.  Gin has been tired and nauseous at points.  The greatest shift is that my FOOD LOVING gal has lost her appetite.  Gin has always had a great appetite and she really enjoys food.  This change is a sadness for her.  We are working keep her calorie intake up.  She doesn't have room to lose so this is our focus this coming week.

Ginny has talked about the need to get things in order for many years.  The "we should take care of this"...moved to "meet me at the ? after school".  This week we consolidated bank accounts, got my name on her car title, made sure household bills had both our names on them and visited our lawyer to make sure all the details are being addressed correctly.  Sigh...she feels accomplished with our achievements this week...I feel a deep sadness.  I appreciate her determination to make sure she leaves things in order but I wish we were not at this point in our life together.

It will be no surprise that the political events of this past week were/are difficult to swallow.  We are still grieving and are working to reconcile the outcome in our minds and our spirits.  We were talking about the election with a friend who works at one of the offices we visited this week.  Gin expressed grief at not seeing a women in the Oval Office and got caught on her words as she realized she never would.

On Monday Ginny will have a new ureter stent placed.  This will be her 9th.  They replace them every 3-4 months.  This is needed to keep her right kidney functioning.  Two working kidneys are needed for Chemo.  This is a routine procedure for Gin and so I will not post Monday.

I will be back again next Saturday - Unless of course there are new developments during the week.

Thank you for the ongoing prayer and support.  We are so very grateful.

Kir & Gin

She is a Feisty One

Saturday morning coffee and fishing shows for Kir.  Ginny is buzzing around, getting ready for her Saturday morning guided meditation group. She will also have lunch with a friend and then attend the Hormel Nature Center Thanksgiving Feast this evening. Living Large :)

We returned to Mayo yesterday for a follow-up.  Gin had her staples removed and her pain pump was adjusted to better meet her pain needs.

The pump gives a constant base drip and then at 8 am and 8 pm it gives her an extra boost.  This will help with her morning social events where she is sitting and then in the evening when she is emailing the world.  She is a night owl.

We will return Tuesday and Friday next week to fine tune her pump dosing.

Ginny is expecting to lose hair with the chemo pill and is digging out her favorite headgear in anticipation.

We will travel to Baltimore for Thanksgiving to be with our Larsen family.  This is tradition and a highlight of our year.

We will be in touch as we go.  I will commit to a Saturday Morning updates while we are waiting to see if the chemo is going to work.

Love Kir

Ginny's wisdom for the day. "To regain control over your life you learn to cooperate with what you cannot change."

Chemo Underway

The super human Ginny started her oral chemotherapy Monday morning. She seems to be tolerating it well.

The challenge is pain. She is struggling to get her pain managed. She is needing to augment her pump with oral  meds. We are tracking her pain and meds and Friday we will return to Mayo for a Pain Team meeting and hopefully we will get the pump adjusted.

I have received messages from folks saying things like "she doesn't look sick."  She does look great, but she is sick.  She is maintaining her daily routines and yes she is keeping lunch dates and planned activities, BUT it is a challenge.  Activity is a sign of LIFE and she is LIVING!

I will post again Friday after our appointments.

In the meantime...pray for her "systems" and the pain.

love
Kir

Saturday Morning

Morning.  I want to apologize for taking a couple of days with this update.  Yesterday was a long day.

Wednesday the pain pump went in.  She spent Wednesday night at Methodist Hospital in Rochester and she was released Thursday afternoon.

The meds originally placed in the pump ended up being too strong for our Ginny so the Pain Team decided to have us come back in on Friday to change out the meds.

Thursday night went well.  The pups were pleased to have their Mama G home.

The pump is about the size of a hockey puck.  It is under the skin on Gin's left side.  It will take some getting used to for sure.  The team said that her slight body made for challenging placement but feel good about where it is.  

Friday morning we returned to the Pain Clinic to have the meds changed out.  It was an amazing experience.  The process and the technology is outrageous and the curious Ginny and I were fascinated by it all.  It was a long day but we believe all is right with the pump and Ginny's pain seems to be under control.

So what's next?  Chemo.

Monday morning Gin will begin taking a daily oral chemo dose.  She wants the flexibility it offers.  

We NEED this it stop the tumor from growing further.  Even more now that the stent was not able to be placed in the colon last week.  If it does not work we will switch to an IV weekly chemo.

For those of you interested in understanding her anatomy and this tumor...

The tumor surrounds her left ureter, thus the stent in her ureter to keep it open.  With the latest growth it is also pressing on a section of her colon.  If the tumor continues to grow it will hinder her movement and we ALL need to be able to "move".  Also, if we are not able to halt the growth and control the cancer, there is the risk of it spreading.  UGHHHH!

So Saturday morning  has arrived.  Ginny is off to her weekly meditation group and lunch with friends. She is super human :)

I am enjoying a little down time and my coffee.  Has been quite a ride this week and am so grateful for rest.

THANK YOU for all the love and support.  THANK YOU for all of the messages and offers to help. We WILL reach out as we need.  Keep praying.

Kir

Pain Pump

We checked into Mayo Gonda 15 at 10 am this morning.  After a late morning of consultations and final conversations with Doctors and other specialists she entered the procedure suite at 1:40 pm.  She was out just before 4:00 pm.  Everything went well.  She had an intrathecal pain pump put in.

I am home tonight and will return in the morning.  If all goes well, she will be released mid afternoon tomorrow.  We will return to Mayo Friday for pump follow-ups.

We are expecting that Gin will start chemo therapy next week sometime.  They want to give her a few days to heal and adjust to the pain pump before they add another level of treatment.

She was her funny and charming self today.  Lots of smiles and great storytelling.  She loves to meet new people.

We will hope for a quiet weekend and next week we will put the those dukes up and get after that cancer.

Love
Kir

Stent a No Go

The Mayo docs were not able to place the stent in Ginny's colon today.  There is just too much scar tissue and "kinks" in her plumbing.  We are turning our attention to Wednesday and the pain pump.  Next week she will start chemo.

As for the plumbing, she will continue to take her "movement" meds and we will hope the chemo stops the bastard tumor.  Eventually a colostomy will have to be attempted.  This is a scary and difficult option.  The doc today said he does not envy the doc that will have to tackle her colostomy.  Argh!

Forward we go.

Kir

No Tater-Tot Hot-Dish Please.

Over the past year and a half, we have been very quiet about Ginny’s health.  In February and March 2015, Ginny underwent 25 rounds of radiation to see if we could put that “bastard tumor” in its place.  In this past 18-months we have enjoyed a cancer free season.  There have been challenges in the past year however.  The radiation, although effective in shrinking the tumor, left a wake of destruction in Ginny’s “innards”.   The side effects have been difficult and very inconvenient for sweet Gin.  She has put up with much and I have been amazed at her determination to not let it get in her way.

Four weeks ago, the discomfort felt daily shifted from distraction to pain.  The never complaining Gin started becoming more and more vocal and expressed that she was not able to stand it any longer. 

Two weeks ago we began doctoring at Mayo again.  We have been working with several departments and there is a great deal going on.

1) We need to control Ginny’s pain.

2) We need to keep her kidneys functioning and her colon working.

Let’s start with the stents.  Gin has had 8 stents placed in her ureter over the past 2 years (they have a 3 month shelf life).  These stents have kept her right ureter open, keeping her right kidney alive and the Gin peeing.

Ginny now needs a stent placed in her colon.  The radiation obliterated her colon and the already battered colon/intestine (previous bouts with cancer) is a maze of scar tissue.  A stent is needed to help her with proper function and to help prevent bowel obstructions, which is a relatively common occurrence for Gin.

Now for the pain…we have elected to have a pain pump placed.  Gin is requiring daily pain meds and a pump will provide more accurately placed medication and is easier on her systems as it does not have to be digested and make its way through other systems before getting to the site of pain.  It will be placed under the skin (her left front side) and a tube will tunnel under the skin to her back.  The tube will be threaded along side the spinal column and placed precisely at the point where her pain “receptors” send the signal up her spine to her brain to let her brain know she is in pain.  The pump with provide very controlled drip.

All of this is necessary because in the past month the bastard tumor has woken up.  Last week Gin had an MRI and we were told Tuesday that the tumor is growing and growing quickly.  It is larger than it was when we first discovered it almost 7 years ago.  It has been a difficult week as we, more importantly she,  believes the writing is on the wall. 

Tomorrow (Monday 10/24) surgeons will attempt to place a stent in the colon.  This will be a challenge but we all agree this is the best place to start.

Wednesday 10/26 Gin will have the pain pump put in.  This is a 2-3 day procedure.  The surgery is quick and relatively routine.  The hospital stay is for the pain folks to monitor Gin and establish her pain control needs.

The following week Ginny will begin a round of oral chemo therapy in the form of a daily pill.  The hope is that this will keep the tumor from growing any more and give Gin more time to complete many projects she is longing to get finished. 

Doctors were clear that the chemo options left to us are not expected to shrink the tumor, but hopefully control the growth.  The team has said we have a couple of options with chemo.  Each treatment is expected to give 6-9 months of time if effective.  This puts us on a 12-18 month timeline.   I hesitate to type this as we ALL know that these timelines are guesses and doctors have been wrong about Ginny’s life and death timeline in the past.  At the same time, we hear it and want to make sure we are ready in the event they are right.

So…

No tater tot hot-dish please.  We are busy living at 1818 6^th Avenue NE.  We are loving fiercely and enjoying these fall days.  We are looking forward to snowy days and are talking about what to plant in the garden next spring.

We want those we love to know, but are not ready to sound the alarm to the masses. 

We covet your prayer in the days ahead.

Kir & Gin